


Rock Steady

by Westgate (Harkpad)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Angst with a Happy Ending, Complicated Relationships, Domestic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 04:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14393850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Harkpad/pseuds/Westgate
Summary: Clint and Bucky have a fight, and Clint maybe hasn't figured out how to keep his abandonment issues from rearing their heads around Bucky yet. Dishes get broken, Clint walks out, but Bucky is determined and smart. He's at least going to try and come after Clint.





	Rock Steady

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JHSC](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JHSC/gifts).



Clint pulls his hand off of the doorknob to the rooftop stairwell and hesitates. The wind of the roof, the gravel, and the smell of pollution all seem to be taunting him today, so he stops and goes to the elevator instead.

Street-level sounds better for once.

The doors to the tower swing shut behind him and he starts wandering the city streets. He isn’t running, but he might be hiding, if he’s honest with himself. Fighting with Bucky makes his heart race and produces an innate instinct to be out of sight. Now the sun beats down on his shoulders and he’s overdressed for the weather. He’d needed something comfortable in his tower apartment and had thrown on his favorite faded blue SHIELD sweatshirt and torn jeans. Now he’s sweating.

 He stops at a vendor and buys an iced sweet tea.

Central Park appears in front of him with its trees blooming with purple and white flowers – he hasn’t been paying attention to where he was walking – so he heads in, finds a stand of green trees and crumples to the ground. He pulls his knees up to his chest and stares blankly ahead, watching a couple of siblings chase each other up a pile of glacier-like rocks nearby  only to disappear over the other side.

He finishes his tea, finally stops sweating, and leans back against the tree. After watching the kids scramble over the rocks and yell at each other a bit, he sees Bucky coming, which means Bucky’s allowing himself to be seen, and Clint can’t meet his eyes. He can feel it, though, when Bucky stands over him and fixes him with a soft gaze, far too soft than Clint deserves.

“Can I sit with you?” He asks, voice barely audible over the laughter of the kids playing on the rocks.

Clint shrugs in response, so Bucky sits down next to him. They watch one of the kids almost slip off the rock to a few foot drop, but their brother catches their hand and pulls them up with a peal of laughter.  Clint wants to talk to Bucky, to tell him why he left, why he’s so mixed up, but words keep dying in his throat, like when you can’t get the birthday candles to stay lit on a cake. He looks over at him, though, and Bucky lets him stare.

The navy blue baseball hat that Bucky seems to wear every time he leaves the tower isn’t there, and his dark hair falls over his pale face in wisps. He’s wearing a blood red t-shirt over a long sleeved navy tee tucked into loose-fitting blue jeans, and his metal hand is tucked against his side. He’s told Clint that he doesn’t want to hide it, but he doesn’t like the way peoples’ eyes automatically slide to it when they see him, either.  Since Bucky currently looks as if he wishes he could sink into the tree trunk behind them, Clint figures hiding it is understandable today.

“You didn’t have to come out here,” Clint says, and he pulls a clump of grass out of the ground and lets the blades slip through is fingers one by one. He’s always liked how pulling grass seemed to release the fresh, springy smell that reminded him of broad green fields peppered by circus tents.

Bucky nods and keeps his attention on the kids on the rocks. “I know. I wanted to check you were okay is all. Not leaning off a rooftop or beatin’ up petty thieves in alleyways.”

Clint can’t hold back his laugh. “You think I go looking for criminals after I fight with you?”

Bucky fixes him with his blue-eyed gaze, like he’s holding Clint there. “I think you go looking to finish a fight, is all.”

Clint swallows and closes his eyes for a second. He lets the laughter of the kids wash over him and through him. “I didn’t mean to break the glass in the sink.”

“You never do.” Bucky sounds hollow, defeated almost.

“Bucky,” he says, and it comes out a little strangled because Clint’s throat is closing down like a gate.

They sit silently again.

“Nat says you and I handle anger differently,” Bucky finally says.

“I wasn’t mad at you,” Clint replies, and even he can hear the quiet desperation in his voice. It’s true, though. Bucky is practically impossible to be mad at. “I’m never mad at you.”

Bucky laughs quietly. “The dishes might say different.”

Clint turns a little in the grass, so he can face Bucky. This needs to be eye to eye. This is important. “You got mad at me,” he says.

Bucky nods and cocks his head. “Yeah, and that made you mad enough to throw a glass down the sink. Again. And then you took off. Again.”

Clint swallows. This is opening up. This is what every shrink he’s ever spoken to at SHIELD said was a weak point, but they always said he could, eventually do it. He just needed the right person. Bucky feels right, so he gives it a shot. “I wasn’t mad at you,” he repeats, and then cuts his eyes back to the little kids on the rock, who are now daring each other to jump to the grass. “You were mad at me, and I deserved it. I skipped out on another thing you’d planned with Steve and Sam, and that made you mad.”

Now Bucky leans back and folds his arms over his chest. “Yeah. I don’t like getting stood up. But then you got so mad – “ he breaks off. “I don’t get it,” he adds.

Clint’s trying not to clench his teeth too hard. He’s trying to explain, but explaining this is explaining a lifetime of trying his hardest to keep people from leaving him. “I’m scared, Buck. Not mad.” He tears another few blades of grass from the ground and stares at the thin patch of dirt he left behind. “You get mad enough at me and you’ll leave.”

That’s just the way the world works, Clint knows. Bucky may need it spelled out, but he’ll get it, too, eventually. Clint closes his eyes and leans his head back against the tree trunk. The afternoon sun beats down on his eyelids and the sound of Bucky’s sharp breath is mixed with more peals of laughter from the kids on the rock.

“So you leave first? Is that what this is?” Bucky asks, and there’s gravel in his tone, a hint of accusation.

Clint watches as the kids’ parent finally shows, and puts their hands on their hips as they laugh at the kids. He stares back down at the grass. “Maybe I’m not leaving. Just walking,” he says quietly. It’s a tentative answer, his ‘maybe.’ He wants to be definitive, but definitive has never been a possibility in his life, not before Bucky.  

Bucky reaches over and runs his hand through Clint’s hair. It feels like reassurance. “You don’t have to leave. I’m not leavin’ over some random argument. If I’m leavin’, I’ll tell you to your face and you’ll know exactly why. I expect the same from you.”

Clint feels something loosen in his chest. “I’m sorry I missed going out with you guys,” he says, finally meeting Bucky’s eyes. His blue eyes practically glisten in the sunlight of the park, and the last kid on the rock yells out that they’re scared, so Clint turns to watch as the other kids form a line below the rock and assure the one still up high that they’ll catch him, just to come on and jump.

Clint knows the fear.

“Yeah,” Bucky answers, leaning into Clint’s shoulder. “That made me mad, but mostly ‘cause you missed out on a good time.”

Clint swallows and watches as the kid finally jumps, and his family catches him before he staggers to the ground, like they said they would. Bucky feels like family, feels like he’d catch Clint before he fell. Maybe he already has. Clint leans over and presses a kiss to Bucky’s lips. “I’ll try to take better care of the dishes, okay?”

Bucky grins, and Clint can’t help grinning back. The family they’ve been watching leaves, arm in arm and laughing, and Bucky stands, reaching for Clint. “Beat you to the top of –“

He doesn’t get to finish because Clint is already scrambling up the rock, laughing as Bucky yells after him, and he climbs to the very top because he knows that Bucky will catch him if he falls.

**Author's Note:**

> For @JHSC, who has prodded me in the past toward exploring Clint's abandonment issues. This is a baby step in that direction. I also thought they could use a present this week!


End file.
